Yes, I’m one of THOSE assholes.
You know the one’s I mean: one of the millions of young and old, men and women, hipster and black nationalist out there that want to be special but has looked in the mirror and realized a date on Friday night much less a modeling contract just ain’t in the cards. No, we’ve got to get by on our wits. And nothing says “wits” more than the ability to spin a yarn about the most meaningful thing to the greatest amount of people. Blowjobs and racquetball are meaningful to everyone, right?
Of course, I’m talking about writing.
No, I am under NO ILLUSIONS. I well understand that there are a million blogs and projects out there of people doing the exact same thing: charting their growth from minor wordsmith to Kingly heights of bestseller superstardom. Still, this is MY growth and My way of doing it. I actually don’t know what to expect and I find it endearing when the author is as clueless as the reader. It should make it easy for anyone to jump right in and get involved.
I encourage comments and suggestions to that end.
WHO AM I? WHAT AM I DOING HERE? (Where are my pants?)
Eh it doesn’t matter who I really am. I’m a guy in my 30’s doing my thing in the day to day grind. No biggie. What matters is what I’m doing and my story goes a little something like this: HIT IT! (hip hop beat kicks).
This past year I decided to commit myself to writing this novel for an idea I had. Writing a fiction book was just on the bucket list. However, after sketching out the first idea, I realized that I had two other major book ideas and I sketched them out too. Somewhere over the course of a month, I decided that I wanted to write all three books sooner or later. More importantly, I didn’t want any of them to suck. I think we can all appreciate not sucking. Let’s take a moment and bow are heads shall we.
This site will be my admission that I am not now nor have I ever been a writer of anything other than academic and legal papers. With that snappy fact hanging over my head like a goddamn dagger, this site is also a confession that I need help because I really don’t know that much about the pitfalls of writing. I passed college English, but that doesn’t mean jack about writing good fiction. Plus there are a ton of things about basic grammar, publishing, agents, editing, rewriting that I’m not just unpolished on….I’m a freaking well of ignorance. (My band name! I called it!)
There are a few rules I’ve set up to make this site a bit more prolific and make it reflexively helpful to my writing. They are (in no particular order)
- I can only post here after I’ve written 500 words for the day of my novel. If that sounds like an absurdly low standard to meet for a real writer, I completely agree. But I also no that somedays will involve reworking a backstory or an outline or the real world intrudes blah blah blah. I’m going to set myself up for success and build from there. A set up like this one will also give me plenty of stuff to bitch about herein these posts.
- I have to post about three different categories about writing at least a week. Droning on and on about the same thing post after post can quickly get old. I understand that. So, I’ll try to vary it up. One day talk about plot, the next about character, the next grammar or mechanics. A zillion different categories come to mind. But remember, I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, so cut me some slack.
- I must respond to all comments, no matter what, in a timely fashion. Audience participation and guidance is strongly encouraged. Remember, it’s likely you, no matter who you are, likely knows at least as much about writing as I do, so any input at all you think might be helpful will be great utilized and appreciated…unless you’re a dick, in which case I’ll engage in a yo mamma throw down. Of course, once I become a megastar and the world realizes i’m special and dammit my daddy finally apologizes for not buying me a pony when I was five, I my have to rewrite this rule, but until then, ya know.
- I will be writing flash-fiction (short stories that are prompted by some way) and posting it. In addition, I’ll be holding my own flash fiction contests once things get going.
So, anyway, here we go. Welcome to Hell.